Change For a Pound, Guv?

They say everything has its price. Well the price to relieve yourself at Marylebone Station is 30p.

Not 40p. Not 25p. But 30p.

I'm not sure how they arrived at this price, but one can only assume that after a series of studies, focus groups and heated debate between senior ranking Chiltern Line officials and various transportation ministers, 30p was adjudged to be the optimum tariff for these services. Debatable, of course. But surely in greater need of debate is the reason to charge at all?

Should this not be a free service provided to passengers? Are we not right to feel exploited when our biological needs are seen as another opportunity to generate increased cash flow? Furthermore, are we to believe this dribble of earnings has any noticeable effect on the bottom line of such a transportation behemoth (and Chiltern Line owner) as Deutsche Bahn?

No, there must be another reason. But what? We can probably assume it's not to discourage commuters who need a wee from having one (what would be their motivation be for doing that?). So who are they trying to discourage going in there? Drug dealers? Gangs of unruly youths? Prostitutes? If they are, it's working. I go to Marylebone station twice a day and have yet to see a single hooker or junkie hanging around making deals...just commuters. And the spiciest thing most of us are looking for is a bag of Thai Chili crisps from M+S.

The truth is I actually wish they'd bump the price up to a pound. What happens when you arrive with only a 20 pound note and a few pound coins in your pocket? Then what? You're a grown man with a briefcase and a bag of groceries and now you either have to sneak into the Victoria and Albert pub and use their facilities (which incidentally are the world's most disgusting) or hop over the turnstiles at the pay toilets. I opted for the latter a few months back when this happened to me and while I took a certain satisfaction at giving two fingers up to the man, I also very nearly crashed to the floor when my trouser leg got caught on one of the turnstile bars. If that had happened I almost certainly would have expressed my growing frustration by kicking one of the stall doors, which would have been captured on CCTV, which would have been watched by a security guard, who would have been waiting for me outside and taken me to some depressing office to issue me a fine.

I know there are far more important issues to be resolved in the world right now, but nineteen quid for a peak return ticket and I can't even have a free wee? I've had enough. It's time to take to the streets. Come on! Who's with me?